poetic ramblings

confusionissex1 @ 2008-01-22T19:53:00

2008-01-23T03:54:17Z

what happened to me?

drug test?

2006-02-11T07:35:31Z

i guess tomorrow morning my parents are going to give me a drug test. apparently when i came home from the concert, i was talking too slow...so obviously i am stoned..or drunk..or something of that nature. i hate how fucking condenscending my parents are. i cant wait to prove them wrong. make them waste all that money on a drug test and find absolutely nothing in my system. maybe then i can gain a little more respect from them. i doubt it. they always have to be right. they'll probably say that i found some way to foil the drug test.

i'm glad i enjoyed today...tomorrow will most likely be hell. i'll get a bunch of "talks" since they know im smoking cigarettes again. then they'll give me one about all the drugs ive been sober from for three fucking months.

i love how my parents are sickingly strict now that i am at the age of 17. i think they are trying to have as much control over me as they can, before i have "free will."

warts warts genital warts.

2006-01-31T03:03:42Z

philIip

2006-01-12T08:56:10Z

im calming down now.
after 4 cigarettes and the smashing pumpkins.
i played jellybelly, bodies, fuck you (an ode to noone), zero, the everlasting gaze, tales of a scorched earth, and x.y.u. over and over and over again.

sorry for my impetuous whining and anger.

bipolarity is quite an ugly disorder.

in too deep.

2006-01-12T08:41:43Z

im caving in.
anger has completely taken over.
im pissed off at everything.
the music isnt fast enough.
isnt angry enough.
i hate just about everyone at this point.
im assuming that they couldnt give a fuck though.
everyone is completely aloof towards me.
but what can i expect of man?
we are no different than animals.
survival of the fittest, right?
we are all cynical. 99.8% of the time.
nobody cares, nobody understands.

excuse my whining.

confusionissex1 @ 2006-01-12T00:05:00

2006-01-12T08:10:24Z

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!
i am having the shittiest fucking week ever.
and now i just realized, i have fucking church camp this week-end.
FUCK!
what a great way to end the week.
fuck christians.
fuck everyone.

i hate you.

ruined.

2006-01-10T08:23:40Z

soo....i got high and ruined everything. jenna just broke up with me. we are over. i dont know what happened. sucks.

well

2006-01-10T07:40:21Z

well i have to admit. salvador dali paintings look pretty fucking amazing when you are on a grassy knoll.

forgive me.

2006-01-10T07:17:43Z

i am about to break my promise to myself. my vow of sobriety. i was supposed to last till my birthday. but...im bored and ive already forgotten the feeling of it. so why not?

see you on the otherside.

the liver.

2005-12-23T05:35:09Z

oh sweet jesus..
put the fire in my eyes
so i went to the market
just to see if i could fly

so i flew and i flew
and then i got the flu
so i sat in the basement
didnt know just what to do

the liver lived his life
on his lovely little lawn
and he watched over his flowers
until the break of dawn

said the sun to his grass
its just lovely to eat glass
so he broke all the windows
and then he swallowed the bass whole.

the drift.

2005-12-21T04:35:36Z

close your eyes...
let the world drift away.
drift past the flowers
and drift past the trees
drift through the clouds
drift with the breeze

breathe deep...
let the poison fill your lungs.
run around a little
let your blood pressure rise
blood fills your head
succumb to your demise

close your eyes...
let the world drift away.
drift past the flowers
and drift past the trees
drift through the clouds
drift with the breeze

hold on...
your brain has exploded.
blood is everywhere
guts fill the room
your spirit is relesed
now go on to your fiery doom.

TALK SHOW HOST.

2005-12-21T04:21:12Z

MY ATTITUDE AT THE MOMENT

I want to, I want to be someone else or I'll explode
Floating upon the surface for
The birds, the birds, the birds

You want me, well fucking well come and find me
I'll be waiting with a gun and a pack of sandwiches
And nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing

You want me, well, come on and break the door down
You want me, fucking come on and break the door down
I'm ready...
I'm ready...
I'm ready...

confusionissex1 @ 2005-12-20T19:33:00

2005-12-21T03:49:10Z

5 YEARS AGO

How old were you?: just about 12

What school year were you in?: 6th

Where did you go to school?: woodsboro

Where did you work?: in 6th grade?

Where did you live?: yorba linda

Where did you hang out? with all the kids on the block.

How was your hair style?: short

Did you wear braces?: nope

Did you wear glasses?: yep

Who was your best friend?: haha. adam cupp

Who was your girlfriend/boyfriend? nope

Who was your celebrity crush? haha. probably britney spears or something.

Who was your regular-person crush?: um...sarah?

How many piercings did you have?: nope

How many tattoos did you have?: ...

What was your favorite singer?: tom petty.

What was your biggest fear?: spiders.

Had you smoked a cigarette yet?: nope

Had you gotten drunk or high yet? nope

Had you driven yet?: yeah.

----------------------------------------------------------------
LETS SEE WHAT YOU ARE NOW...
----------------------------------------------------------------

How old are you?: 16

What school year are you in? junior

Where do you go to school?: VHS

Where do u live?: yl still

Where do you hang out?: at home.

How is your hair style?: longish.

Do you wear glasses?: i should be. contacts?

Who is your best friend?: amy...stefanie? i dont really have friends anymore. sucks.

Who is your girlfriend/boyfriend?: jenna.

Who is your celebrity crush?: uh...billy corgan, thom yorke

Who is your regular-person crush?: hmm...

How many tattoos do you have? none

How many piercings do you have?: none

Who is your favorite singer?: i dunno. there are so many lovely voices out there. haha. probably thom yorke and billy corgan...elliott smith...jim morrison? i give up.

What is your biggest fear?: ive already faced all my fears.

Have you driven yet?: mhm.

Have you smoked a cigarette yet?: jasdl;fjaldkfj. i NEED one right now. bring me some.

Have you gotten drunk or high yet?: haha. yeah. its been a couple weeks.

my whore. [the one that i adore]

2005-12-20T12:07:50Z

i_[eye]. love_[luff]. her_[jenna].

4 a.m.

shitt. i need to leave for school in 3 hours.
lakjd;lfakj

It's you that I adore
You'll always be my whore
You'll be the mother to my child
And a child to my heart
We must never be apart
We must never be apart

Lovely girl you're the beauty in my wrold
Without you there aren't reasons left to find

And I'll pull your crooked teeth
You'll be perfect just like me
You'll be a lover in my bed
And a gun to my head
We must never be apart
We must never be apart

In you I see dirty
In you I count stars
In you I feel so pretty
In you I taste god
In you I feel so hungry
In you I crash cars
We must never be apart

Drinking mercury
To the mystery of all that you should ever seek to find
Lovely girl you're the murder in my wrold
Dressing coffins for the souls I've left behind
In time
We must never be apart

And you'll always be my whore
Cause you're the one that i adore
And I'll pull your crooked teeth
You'll be perfect just like me
In you I feel so dirty in you I crash cars
In you I feel so pretty in you I taste god
We must never be apart

[[that sums up just about everything.
they have a song for every mood.]]

polarity=bi

2005-12-18T07:26:05Z

what the fuck?
i was in like the best mood all day.
the happiest ive been in a long time.
and then suddenly i just turned all blah.
like literally within seconds.

l;akdjsflkdjf;djkjd;lajlkjad;lja;ldsj;ladjfkjads;ladkfj
l;dfkjal;skdjf;lajsdfadlkfja;sdlfj;laskdjf;lakjf;lkjd;l
lak;dsjf;lajdf;lkajdfljal;dfj;aldskjf;ladj;laj;aldfkla;

another damn survey

2005-12-16T03:13:34Z

1) Total number of films I own on DVD/video: not enough
2) The last film I bought: full metal jacket
3) The last film I watched:

Theater: saw 2

Home: donnie darko

Rented: eyes wide shut

4) Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me:
a clockwork orange, fear and loathing in las vegas, donnie darko, eyes wide shut, fight club

5). 5 people who have to put this in their journal:
i dunno

EXTRA ERIK INFORMATION THAT IS TOTALLY NECESSARY FOR YOU TO READ.

1. Spell your first name backwards: kire
2. The story behind your user name: sonic youth song / #1
3. How old are you: 16 years, 10 months, and 18 days
4. Where do you live: yorba linda, ca

DESCRIBE YOUR:
5. Wallet- empty
6. Hairbrush - i dont have one
7. Toothbrush - green
8. Jewelry worn daily - none
10. Pillow cover - black
11. Blanket - black
13. Sunglasses - big, round, white
14. Favorite shirt - my blue flannel
15. Cologne/Perfume - nope
16. CD in stereo right now - the unicorns, radiohead, smashing pumpkins
17. Piercing - nope
18. What you are wearing now - jeans and white t
20. Wishing - i were a ghost
21. After this - nothing
22. If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what? anyone. i would love to have the power to take another person's life. and then kill myself minutes later.
23. Person you wish you could see right now - everyone. mostly jenna.
24. Some of your favorite movies - i think i already put that
26. The last thing you ate - spaghetti
27. Something that you are deathly afraid of - potato bugs
28. Do you like candles - yep
29. Do you like incense - mhm
30. Do you like the taste of blood - yes
31. Do you believe in love - sometimes
32. Do you believe in soul mates - no
33. Do you believe in love at first sight - no
34. Do you believe in Heaven - boo
35. Do you believe in God - not at the moment
36. What do you want done with your body when you die - there'll be nothing left.
37. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be? ive already got enough.
38. What is the longest you've ever stayed up - about 75 hours.
40. What's your favorite coin - i only keep quarters. i hate change.
41. What are some of your favorite candies - i dont eat.
42. What's something that you wish people would understand - nothing
43. What's something you wish you could understand better - everything
44. Who is someone that you really wish was still around - ;lkdj;fa

R e l a t I o n s h I p s
45. Who are your best friends? the ones that dont run away from me.
46. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? jennapop
47. Longest relationship? ew...year and a quarter
48. How many actual relationships have you been in? 5 or 6
49. How many people have you kissed? i dunno..
50. Are you shy around your crush? i guess
51. Still have feelings for anyone you've been in a past relationship with? nope.
52. Do you know what it feels like to be in love? does anyone?
53. Would you sacrifice your favorite possession for your best friend? i guess...

f a s h i o n | s t u f f
54. Where is your favorite place to shop? thrift stores
55. Have any tattoos or piercing's? nope
56. What is your favorite thing to wear? jeans
57. What is a must have accessory? lighter
58. How much is the most you've ever spent on a single item of clothing? haha. probably 15 at most.
60. Who is the least fashionable person you know? ?
61. Do you match your belt with your hair color? oh ttly.
62. What is the worst thing you've ever thought looked good? garbage
64. How many pairs of shoes do you own? one. i also have an extensive shoe graveyard.
65. What is the worst trend you see today? scenesters.

s p e c i f i c s
1. Do you do drugs? its been a week
2. What kind of shampoo do you use? pantene
4. What are you listening to right now? silence. yummy.
5. Who was the last person that called? uh..jenna. haha. i never talk on the phone anymore.
6. Where do you want to get married? ew.
7. How many buddies are online right now? i'm not even signed on...
8. What would you change about yourself? nothing.
9. What are essentials in your life? guitar, music, friends.
10. If you had the power to do any one thing, what would it be? end the world
12. Do you send out holiday cards each year? no

h a v e | y o u | e v e r
1. Given someone a bath? probably.
2. Smoked? ugh...dont remind me.
3. Bungee jumped? nope
4. Made yourself throw up? yep
5. Skinny dipped? is there any other way?
6. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble? probably
7. Cried when someone died? yea
8. Fallen for your best friend? sdl;kjfd;lsjas;dlfjladksjf;asljkf;ljdladj;lasdjfl;dfalksdj
9. Been rejected? who hasn't?
10. Rejected someone? yes
11. Used someone? i guess.
12. Been used? sure.

c u r r e n t
1. Hair: messy.
2. Music: 2+2=5
3. Make-up: none
4. Annoyance: this survey.

blah blah blah surveyy.

2005-12-15T03:59:14Z

*The Best Myspace Survey*
* . . About You . . *
Eye Color::	blue
Hair Color::	blondish-brownish
Height::	6'2ish
Favorite Color::	orange
Screen Name::	ledhed127...cant get rid of it!
Favorite Band::	ah! too many. at the moment..smashing pumpkins
Favorite Movie::	ANYTHING stanley kubrick. duh.
Favorite Show::	lyk omgzz. ne thang on mtvzz. not.
Your Car::	:[
Your Hometown::	eureka, ca
Your Present Town::	yorba linda, ca
Your Crushes First Name::	jenna of course
Your Grade::	11
Your Style::	n/a
* . . Have You Ever . . *
Sat on your rooftop?:	only for a smoke
Kissed someone in the rain?:	mmhm
Danced in a public place?:	yep
Smiled for no reason?:	nope
Laughed so hard you cried?:	probably
Peed your pants after age 8?:	i still wear diapers...
Written a song?:	yeah. all crap.
Sang to someone for no reason?:	yeah
Performed on a stage?:	yeah
Talked to someone you don't know?:	lots
Gone out of your way to befriend someone?:	probably
Made out in a theatre?:	yep
Gone roller skating since 8th grade?:	never
Been in love?:	yep
* . . Who was the last person to . . *
Say HI to you?:	uh...?
Tell you, I love you?:	jennapoo
Kiss you?:	i dunno.
Hug you?:	probably jenna.
Tell you BYE?:	wtf?
Write you a note?:	i think it was amy
Take your photo?:	my lil sis
Call your cell phone?:	jenna
Buy you something?:	mummy
Go with you to the movies?:	jenna
Sing to you?:	josh steber
Write a poem about you?:	?
Text message you?:	jenna
Touch you?:	myslef
* . . What's the last . . *
Time you laughed?:	its been awhile
Time you cried?:	?
Movie you watched?:	donnie darko
Joke you told?:	what's worse than losing your job? ...the halocaust
Song you've sang?:	no surprises--radiohead
Time you've looked at the clock?:	2 sec ago
Drink you've had?:	COFFEE
Number you've dialed?:	jenna's
Book you've read?:	naked lunch
Food you've eaten?:	?
Flavor of gum chewed?:	pink?
Shoes you've worn?:	my cons
Store you've been in?:	target
Thing you've said?:	target
* . . Can You . . *
Write with both hands?:	i wish
Whistle?:	yeah
Blow a bubble?:	mmhm
Roll your tounge in a circle?:	i can do many things with my tongue
Cross your eyes?:	yep
Touch your tounge to your nose?:	nope...teeth to long
Dance?:	hahaha
Gleek?:	whaa?
Stay up a whole night without sleep?:	oh yeah.
Speak a different language?:	jibberish
Impersonate someone?:	poorly
Prank call people?:	haha.
Make a card pyramid?:	never tried
Cook anything?:	yeah...well done
* . . Finish The Line . . *
If i were a ...:	unicorn
I wish ...:	i was dead
So many people don't know that ...:	my lil sis died
I am ...:	boring
My heart is ...:	beating
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

[describe yourself using song names from one band]

2005-12-15T03:03:17Z

*Describe yourself using one band and song titles from that band*
Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band::
Are you male or female::	Rhinoceros
Describe yourself::	God
How do some people feel about you::	Shame
How do you feel about yourself::	Frail and Bedazzled
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend::	Where Boys Fear to Tread
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend::	Ava Adore
Describe where you want to be::	In the Arms of Sleep
Describe what you want to be::	Bullet with Butterfly Wings
Describe how you live::	Obscured
Describe how you love::	Cubid de Locke
Share a few words of wisdom:	The Beginning is the End is the Beginning
Take this survey \| Find more surveys You've been totally Bzoink*d

sobriety.

2005-12-14T00:38:48Z

i think im gonna try sobriety for awhile. im sick of being fucked up on everything all the time. its nice not being addicted to anything, having the ability to quit whenever i want. well, atleast the physical addiction isnt there. i still have many mental addictions. so yeah...lets see how long this joyride lasts.

oh sweet.

2005-12-12T06:12:55Z

You are an alternative rocker like Billy Corgan of
Smashing Pumpkins and Zwan. You are creative,
wacky, and always original.

What kind of rocker are you? Eight different genres of rock, all with pictures.
brought to you by Quizilla

ANNIE-DOG

2005-12-09T05:03:00Z

OKAY...SERIOUSLY, SMASHING PUMPKINS IS THE BEST FUCKING BAND EVER.

amphetamine annie-dog
has her leash and a face
her velvet spleen her shackle spine
her dimond curse
it comes with mine
a vessel she
for violent I
confession arms a wake
mine, mine you were always mine
possessed by my taste

and below the angel dog
combs her hair and sings her psalms
the bombs go off
she doesn't notice
it all goes wrong
she sets things tragic
she is venus
she is mars
she's electric
and the struggle of

upon my face we leave no trace
but in her stomach mercury aged

she holds the blood
she carves the knives
she digs the wives in our babies

amphetamine annie-dog
pulls her trash
and her stories
from place to place
and bed to bed
gives of herself and the magnet head

another floor another ceiling
counting stairs with double meanings

is it wrong to be swallowed whole
to disappear in her
to give her the priceless peace
of giving up control

we tumble out into the streets
and annie-dog she drags her leash
pretty face
ugly mouth
bitter bred and so released

and by the no
and by the yes
annie goes if you couldn't guess

a simple man
a sycophant
her elephant with the laughing call
she wants clean sheets
and fresh flowers
and dental shots
and the hong kong glue

amphetamine annie-dog
has her leash and a face

blahblahblah

2005-12-09T04:59:33Z

when i feel my finger on your trigger,
i know nobody can do me no harm
because happiness is a warm gun.

shoot me.
right above my right shoulder blade.
if you dont hit the right spot, ill shoot you back.

fuck.

2005-12-08T10:00:42Z

im mad.
no. im pissed.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

;lakdfj;lakdjf;ladfalkdjf;aldkjf;alkdjf;aldkjf;aldkjf;aldjf;al
lasdjflkjdf;askdfj;aldkfja;dflja;ldfj;aldjf;ladkjf;lajf;ldj;fa
;adlkj;aldjf;aldjf;lakdjf;ladkjf;lakdjf;laskdjf;aldjf;alkjaldf
aldkfj;ladjf;ladkfja;ldkja;ldjf;aldfja;ldjfa;lkdjf;alkjfa;ldjf
;alsdkfja;kldjf;aljdf;ajdfj;adlkfja;djflajdf;lakjfd;aldkj;aalf
a;lsdjf;lkadjf;ajdkfja;ldkjfa;ldkjf;ladkfja;ldkjf;ladjf;aal;kd
;lkjfa;lkdjfa;ldjf;aldjfa;ldfkja;dlkfja;ldkfja;ldfj;adfj;aa;ld
alkdfj;alkdjf;alkdfj;ladjf;ladjfldfljfdl;akjf;lakjfd;laj;dfjff
adlkfj;aldjf;aldjf;lkdjf;lajdflkajf;lakjf;aldkjf;aljfladfa;dfj
;alkdjf;lakjdf;laksdjf;lakjf;lakdjf;lakdsjfl;kadjfaldjkfa;dkjf
l;sdjkf;lakdjf;lakjdf;ladjfladksjf;aldjkf;aldkjf;lakdjf;lakdjf
al;kdfj;lasdjf;aksdjf;alkdjf;lajdf;alkdjf;lasdfaj;sdlfj;lakdjf
asd;lkfj;adskfja;sdjflkasjf;laskdjfl;asdjf;lasdfklja;lsdjflajf
jal;dkjfa;ldjfladjf;lakdjf;lajflkjd;flkajdk;fja;ldfkja;lsdkfj;
kdjf;aldkjf;alsdjf;lakdjf;lakdjf;ladkjf;ladkjf;ladjf;lkajd;ald

how many can you find?

2005-12-05T08:36:25Z

okay...this is some kind of virgin mobile thing.
there are 75 bands depicted in a giant picture.
see how many you can find.

http://www.chinternet.co.uk/75bands.jpg

to name a few ive found...
alice in chains
smashing pumpkins
pixies
gorillaz
hole
guns & roses
led zeppelin
radiohead
matchbox 20
eels
white zombie
blind melon

i dunno....im tired.

yeah....bored.

2005-12-05T06:57:15Z

TEN FIRSTS
First Best Friend: my dog.
First Screen Name: haha....waktskater or something.
First Pet: hunter.
First Piercing: none yet.
First Crush: umm...i dunno. britney spears.
First CD Bought: probably backstreet boys or hanson. haha.
First Car: 1970 chevy nova
First True Love: blah.
First Stuffed Animal: a little brown bunny. still have it.

NINE LASTS
Last Alchoholic Beverage: orange juice + vodka + rum + tequilla. could only taste the oj.
Last Car Ride: home from school on friday.
Last Movie Seen: pink floyd: the wall
Last Phone Call: stefanie?
Last Song Played: the everlasting gaze. smashing pumpkinsssss.
Last Bubble Bath: pft...no idea.
Last Time You Cried: i dunno.
Last time You Laughed: most likely when i was talking to jenna.
Last Time You Fell: haha. earlier. stoned.

EIGHT HAVE YOU EVERS
Have You Ever Dated One Of Your Best Friends: yes. dont recommend it.
Have You Ever Been Arrested: nope.
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: of course.
Have You Ever Been On TV: my hand!!! its famous.
Have You Ever Regreted a Kiss: nope. well. maybe...
Have You Ever Lied: ch...me?
Have You Ever Teased: wouldnt you like to know.

SEVEN THINGS YOU ARE WEARING:
1. beanie
2. tank top
3. boxers
4.
5.
6.
7.

SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY
1. slept
2. been sick
3. smoked marijuana
4. talked to jenna
5. took a bunch of pills
6. slept

FIVE FAVORITE THINGS IN NO ORDER
recently...
1. talking to jenna
2. radiohead
3. smashing pumpkins
4. sleep
5. drugs

FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ALMOST ANYTHING TO
1. amy
2. jenna
3. my dog
4. my imaginary friend, mr. bubbles

THREE CHOICES
1. Hot or Cold: lukewarm
2. Black or White: both
3.Chocolate or Vanilla: nilla

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. be shot
2. kill someone
ONE THING YOU REGRET
1. ;alkdj;aljd;al